My new Imaginary Future Ex Boyfriend

He's some kind of delicious beefyness. And he lives in Hotlanta!

Possible Boyfriends for Jimbo

First there's a guy that totally isn't Justin Bobby but is cute nonetheless.

Then there's a movie star guy who is obvs. athletic although lacking in the furry department (it just might be waxed off though)
Then there's bicycle guy who also has a beard and you can almost smell the clean living on him
And then there's muscle bear cigar guy who isn't that clean at all probably but most likely likes to get a little freaky if you know what I mean
And finally there's football guy whose head is sort of huge for his body but he has a cute little beard
And the winner is.......FOOTBALL GUY! He's furry and cute and you could take him home to your mom!

Collaborate this!

A collaboration between Lacoste and the Campana Brothers

While I love the idea of a collaboration between two opposites thus making something want worthy, I'm a little over it now. ACL and Cole Hann? Really? Okay, cute shoes and all but what's ACL bringing to the table?

I'd totally buy them though, they're toots cute.

PS Chances are you've no idea what the fuck I'm talking about, and I'm okay with that.

PSS I want lots of things:

a Billykirk bag

LL Bean Field Town pants in charcoal

J Crew shawl collar sweatshirt in navy

LL Bean Heritage Norwegian sweater (Heritage so they can charge $200 extra)

RL patched jeans (I know, I'm 40 and wearing jeans!)

Cole Rood & Haan laceless brogues in brown (the Rood clocks in at an extra $200)

a ten inch dick

My favorite eyebrows!

For reals, I'm going to shave Polly Jean and glue her hair on my forehead and then start plucking until I get my eyebrows as lovely as these. And if there's any left over, I'm going to do my chin.

P.S.

My whole house is going all black and white. But maybe not stripes, that would just make my ass look fat.

Oh snap, you must hate me. PSYCHE!

Just because it's everywhere doesn't mean it's a bad thing. I should finish my kitchen first but, you know, it's already over in my mind. I've moved on, you should too. Oh snap! My furnace went out. And as punishment, it was 35 degrees every night for the past 4 nights. Polly Jean was not a happy kitty. And BGE Home charges $99 for the first half hour and then $30 for each additional 15 minutes. Srsly? I should have been an HVAC specialist. I'd be rolling in fancy bathroom wallpaper!

What else? Why, I'm glad you asked. Nothing actually. Great, now I feel bad about myself.

BBC Book List Meme

(borrowed from Gecko Echo)

The BBC believes most people will have read only 6 of the 100 books here. How do your reading habits stack up?

Instructions: Look at the list and bold those you have read.

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4 Harry Potter series
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6 The Bible
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens

Total: 8

11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulk
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19 The Time Traveler’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot

Total: 6

21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame

Total: 6

31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34 Emma - Jane Austen
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne

Total: 5

41 Animal Farm - George Orwell
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan

Total: 6

51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52 Dune - Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night - Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Total: 4

61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding
69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville

Total: 4

71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce
76 The Inferno – Dante
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession - AS Byatt

Total: 5

81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton

Total: 5

91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

Total: 8

Grand Total: 57

Live Strong and cut your hair

If I wrote "testicular cancer" on a sheet of paper, what are the odds he could point to the area on the body that it refers to? I'm thinking...not so good.

Grey is the new black

I might be suffering from a moldings deficiency. And those baseboards! Oh my god, that makes me spleen hurt just thinking about them, they're so big. Oh right, I talked to my boss after like 365 days and she was all like, "well have fun on the Mall this weekend and don't let those crazy teabaggers get you!" Bwahahaha. And then I was all like, but Baltimore doesn't have a Mall. So I was all like, "But Baltimore doesn't have a Mall!" Bwahahaha. And then she was all like, "I totes forgot you moved my company to a completely different state over two years ago! Bwahahaha" And then I hung up on her and gave myself a huge raise.

Clay and Tripp and I spent last weekend out at the river and it was an awesome time. We took Clay's Land Rover and filled up the back with Bud Light and headed over to West Virginia for some sun and swimming and drinking brew and male bonding. It was awesome. After the sun went down we built a fire and drank some more and talked about our hopes and fears and the rack on this girl back at the gas station in Martinsville. It was awesome.

I can see for tiles and tiles

Heath Ceramics
Ann Sacks
Michael Smith, but could totally work as a backsplash as well
My choice, Heath Ceramics.

Pretty little things

Thom Browne is on sale at Gilt. So if you've been searching for a Morning Coat or Skirt Suit, you're in luck. If you've not been searching for either, you're still in luck, because there's still plenty of suit loveliness. Thin ankles not included.

I've really gone and done it

I've decided on a countertop. Woohoo. No, that's what you're saying as you're super excited about the prospect of it all. Me too sort of. I skipped my first countertop choice and went with my second so I could go with my first cabinet choice. And maybe third backsplash choice. And don't even get a bitch started on pulls and knobs. Ha, I said knobs. I'm a knob.

So now, it's Glacier White Corian countertops with Brazilian Cherry cabinets with an espresso glaze, glossy white subway tiles in a herringbone pattern for the backsplash and glass knobs and pulls. Super simple but classic. Maybe. We'll see.

I'm totes in love with a painting

That face is totes adorable...

...even though it's not my totes adorable face. I'll let him live though, as he's a good kisser. Even though I'm not. Sadness. The reality is we went out once, not on a school night because if it had been a school night he would have had to be home in bed by 9:00. Like me! He didn't want to go on date number 2, which somehow is a recurring theme in my dating. I chalk it up to my mad dating skillz that I don't have. I should tutor under Jhames or Jhennie. They's always got the bitches hanging on the lines for them.

Guess how many people have had the murder done to them in NYC this year? 24 give or take a few. Now guess how many people have had the murder done to them in Baltimore this year? 140. Give or take a body they haven't found yet. Probably one next door to me, that place stinks so bad I can't even sit on my stoop to watch the drive-bys. I've been calling the city to complain but they haven't sent out the cadaver dogs yet. At least the rats will be well fed.

Renovation is so taxing. First, there's all these decisions you have to make. What color this should be, what kind of tile, if you even want tile. What kind of sink, do you want an undermount. Yes please! And then the faucet and the cabinets and the door handles. It's like a full time job. And then I get all distracted as soon as the new Elle Decor shows up. Or I get a hit on my Manhunt account.

And the only reason I'm doing all of this is so I can sell and move to Red Lion, Pennsylvania and live on a farmette and grow things and wear overalls. I've totally got all kinds of farmette appropriate outfits worked out. Dust bowl chic.

Julianna Moore stole my grey walls

More guys with iPhones

Grrr woof. My favorite bartender from Motley Bar.

Jesus Christ Superstar (1973) - Everything's Alright

Yvonne Elliman was a Jesus loving disco queen, just like me.

This is how you know it's mine

I totes heart anything monogrammed. This we know. What you might not know is that I monogrammed myself (tattoo) when I was but a wee lass. It's on my back and it sort of fucking rocks. Hard. Don't hate. You had your chance.

Fuck with me and I'll fuck with you

If I were a character on Mad Men

and if it was a cartoon and not real actors and stuff. I rock that green blazer though.

My kitchen reno

is finished in my head. Now I just need to get it finished in the physical plane.

Instead of chairs around a dining table (HOW DROLL!!!) I'm going to push this sassy sofette against the wall, with some sort of marble topped round table (Eames maybe but that's so played out as well) in front of that and then a couple of Blu Dot Chair Chair's that I already have. I'd never buy anything Blu Dot again but that's off topic. Also off topic? Your face but we won't go there.

Dan Deacon - Build Voice

FINALLY! A funny Family Circle. Almost. The Other Family.

All I wanted to do was brag about my new sofa

ehatfield-- I totally agree :)

and Jenny in DC-- "It is not useful to just blame the people who live in drug-infested neighborhoods for the state of their neighborhoods; it's a bigger problem than that."

you're right too. I used to live in some pretty crappy areas myself when I was younger and I know for a FACT that my parents tried their best to help as did some of our neighbors. the PEOPLE arent the real problem. the CIRCUMSTANCES are. We are talking about how to reverse HUNDREDS OF YEARS of oppression and disenfranchisement--its not as simple as just fixing up a few historical buildings and throwing in a coffee shop or two.

posted by abc123 on July 14th 2009 at 3:15pm
view abc123's profile

CIRCUMSTANCES don't throw their potato chip bags on the street when they are finished, HUNDREDS OF YEARS OF OPPRESSION shouldn't stop anyone from picking up the trash on the street in front of their house. But it seems to.

posted by Donald in Pigtown on July 14, 2009 at 4:19pm

view Donald in Pigtown's profile

PROOF!

See Jimbo, even Jesus has an iPhone.

The Naked Rabbit Project

What I'm pushing out this weekend.

Between Whartscape, Artscape, H&Hscape, the closing of the Current, hotel orgies and maybe even brunch, a girl-about-town barely has the time to do her hair! I'll manage though.

Srsly, you'll never be as surrounded by dirty music loving hipsters as you will this weekend in Charm City. It makes NYC look like Boise. On a Tuesday night. Cause that's the way we roll, bitches.

Is it wrong that moldings give me serious wood? (bwahaha, I made a decor pun!)

I had something super clever and funny to say...

about how he pencils on that mole every morning. But then I jacked off and feeling much nicer.

My New Imaginary Future Ex Eyebrows

Even if I shaved Polly Jean and glued the hair on with a hot glue gun, I'd still never get eyebrows that perfect. Damn.

Hahaha

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahah. Assrape.

It's a beautiful gay in the Pigborhood

Addendum: My street, my head. Notice the huge deep set crevice across my forehead? It's the weight of the world that I carry on shoulders. And age. My nose looks big from the angle which isn't all that telling as it is abnormally large and bulbous. So are my ankles but I rarely have photoshoots of those. Tomorrow I fly down to the A.T.L. to visit with my family and my family's dog, Niki. She loves me. We've got cocktail parties in the neighborhood, dinners out, trips to museums, dinners at home, visits with sisters and sister's common law husbands and maybe some depression era shopping trips to soon to be defunct shopping strips. High times in the deep South. Y'all're jealous, I can smell it on you.

Breaking up with your wallet is so hard to do.

You put the boom-boom into my heart...

This is how you do it.

You have a friend in Jesus!

What I'll (or we'll) be wearing this fall

Maybe not the short pants, but you never know. I'm a trend whore. But most def. 2 inch cuffs at the least. And grandpa sweaters. And some fun things thrown in just so you know I don't take myself too seriously. But you should.

I'm going to paint my entire house black unless you talk me down

A reflection of my mood maybe? I'm obsessed more than I normally get obsessed about things that will never happen. Like marrying Billy Idol (I'd be Mrs. William Broad, how fucking hot is that?) Maybe it's having reached the pinnacle of my life years and now taking the short road to death and decay that is surely coming before I know it. It's dark and sexy and moody and mysterious. JUST LIKE ME!

In other news, besides dying, I've somehow become a total twink magnet to the under 25 set. I need some new bluejeans to handle this.